Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Good Luck and other Bullsh*t

WARNING: I'm in a crappy mood lately and this post reflects it.  If you came for peach pie and a smile, I promise I will be serving that up again soon but today I just can't.  Thank you for loving me in spite of it all.  

In the last few months I've had lots of encounters with our nation's legal system.  And there's one thing strikes me about the people who work in it - they incessantly wish me good luck.

I sign a form for a bailiff and as I hand the pen back, he says, "Good luck to you."

The judge tells me he's granting my petition for divorce and I shake his hand and he says, "I wish you good luck."

I write a letter to my lawyer telling her I'm switching to a new lawyer for the rest of the process but I do it in the NICEST way you can imagine because you all know how important it is to part on good terms.  She responds with two words, "Good luck."

That's it.

Then she sends me a bill for $19 for something that is petty and ridiculous and mean, so I send her another letter that says, "If you find you need to do something billable on my account please contact me in advance to get my authorization both for the work and for the charge."

And then I sign that letter "Good luck."  

But amidst all of this good-luck-wishing, I wish I could snap my fingers and have a couple of cups of green tea appear and I wish I could invite the good-luck-wisher to sit down with me right there, wherever we are.

On the cold granite of the courthouse hallway. 

On the rose-beige carpet of the courtroom.

On the hand-woven Persian silk rug in the mediator's office, which is a silvery blue color and shimmers in the afternoon sunlight and makes me want to dive into it and stay under until my lungs are ready to burst. 

I wish I could tell them something that they already know, I know they already know.  But I would tell them anyway, to make myself feel better, that it was a series of CHOICES, most of them good but enough of them bad, that led me into their courtroom or their office.  Not luck.

Luck never had anything to do with it.

It never did.


Anonymous said...

I don't know what happened at last two years. But I do hope you can try and cheer up a bit.

Go ahead, Melanie. You will feel better tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Melanie, I am Lenny who has commented on an article of yours.And I was the only one who ever joked about your marriage by the time. Or you may say it was insight..Melanie, I WAS a Christian and foreseeing many things in my life and the ones of others.Don't hate me beautiful woman..Look at the positive side.You are experienced in loving Chinese men..and as a young one aged at 32( I just passed my birthday),I say you are beautiful and attractive.

Lenny said...

Okay, Lenny again,I also want to say, I have been absent from your elegent verses for the previous two years, and it was shocking to see the headline about your divorce. I was surprised that it came to you so soon..regrettably..and I couldn't wait for your return to this place and read my mind.And it is good to see you are doing well..So now on LUCK, I have been pondering on "luck" for a few months. I really want to wisher into your ears..with my life story now...Melanie..Melanie..there is some little thing called luck..there is..And Nietzsche said God is dead..And such is life.

Melanie Gao said...

Forrest you are one of the few people who I would talk to about my divorce so if you are ever in Nashville let me know and we will go out for dinner and talk. Meanwhile, thanks for the good wishes. I will be fine, in fact I am fine. Just getting some junk out on my blog... Hugs to you, brother.

Lenny you are funny. The ink on my divorce documents is hardly dry, man!

Forrest said...

I cannot believe that five years passed. I still remember my comments and your response above. Time flies...

Melanie Gao said...

It really does, Forrest. It's amazing how much different and better things are now than they were five years ago. The dinner invite still stands, of course! :)